Wednesday, 26 August 2015

Dear Mr. Holy Spirit, Why Aren't You Ministering To Me?

I had the best week serving at Soul Survivor, for Open Doors Youth. It was my first Soul Survivor experience, so I made the most of everything - the sunshine, serving at the ToolShed, tent times, Big Top meetings, seminars, late night worship, name it!

Every meeting was followed by a time of prayer, where the Holy Spirit was moving among people in ways I don't generally see; He would release Himself through shouts, bursts of joy, physical movements - it was wonderful to see but the problem was, I felt nothing!
When people were having dreams and visions, I had nothing. When everyone around me seemed to be feeling something, I was merely still. I grew so frustrated that I eventually cried out, "God, have you forgotten me? Why have you left me out!" At that moment, Beth Croft belted out the words, 'You have not forgotten me' - call it coincidence, but to me it's got heaven written all over it! Suddenly I was so overwhelmed by the presence of God that the waterworks began and I had to sit down.

I don't know about you, but I often box the Holy Spirit up. I look for Him in the powerful wind, the earthquake and the fire, when He prefers to show up in a gentle whisper.

The Holy Spirit is free to manifest Himself in any way He pleases - be it tongues, visions, dreams, prophecies, healing or just an overflow of tears and joy. We are in a relationship with Him - He knows our deepest, darkest secrets and still loves us, above all He knows exactly how to speak to us. His ministry to us is personal. God didn't go around distributing coal-tongue therapies, neither did He give out an open invite for His transfiguration (I'm sure the other disciples would've loved to see that glorious sight too!). This is not a case of holier than thou, but of personalised manifestation. Salvation is not affirmed by the gifts (1 Corinthians 12:8-10) we display, but by the fruit (Galatians 5:22-23) in our lives - both of which are facilitated by the Holy Spirit!

My attitude at the start of the week, was much like Peter's in the last chapter of John's Gospel, when he seems far more interested in John's death than his own. Jesus responded with, "What's it to you?" - I believe that's exactly how He would have responded to me! From day one, He was ministering to me, draining away insecurities, hurt and grudges, replacing them with His love, and opening my eyes to see a little more of Him. I was so caught up in comparing the way He moved in others that I missed everything He was doing in me.
Friend, if you resonate with me on this, let us resolve to quit confining, comparing and complaining, instead, let us praise God for His work in others, and tune every cell in our body to however He chooses to minister to us.
Let us let God, be God.


  1. Beautifully written Cindy, and very very true!

  2. Beautifully written Cindy, and very very true!